Venting...

Sometimes I feel like I just can't catch a break. When it's not work stressing me out, it's life. I can't just have everything be harmonious at the same time.

I recently started a new job, before I did so, I was content in knowing that finally my professional life will match up to my personal life, where things would just be good overall. Boy was I wrong. Now, my work life is going good (so far) and my personal life has gone to shit. I just can't have it both ways, I guess. Part of me wishes I was still at the shitty job, then maybe things at home would be better.

Marriage is work. Not sure if it's just mine, but it sure feels like it. It's far from easy. And like any job, sometimes I want to quit, just grab all my stuff and walk out. It sounds horrible, but it's true.

My parents like to pressure my sister or make her feel bad about the fact that she's not married. Why? I don't get why parents want that kind of stress/pressure on their children. It's not like my parents had the easiest marriage in the world, why would you want that for her? Don't get me wrong, it may work out awesomely for her, but speaking from personal experience, the first few years are the hardest. I'm approaching year 4 and if I'm honest, it seems to be getting harder as the time goes on. It's probably not supposed to work this way, I'm pretty sure we're doing it wrong, but that also seems to be the norm.

Perhaps my expectations of marriage were too high, too fairy-tale romance, though I doubt that last part. I'm a pretty down-to-earth, realist, but hey, who knows? I'm just not in a good place right now and felt like venting to like the 3 people who read this blog.

All I know is that if I ever make the mistake of having children, I will not put pressure on them to get married, I won't do it. And I'm writing this down here in the hopes that I'll keep this blog alive for a while and be able to go back and read this, in case I forget. If I have a daughter or son who just doesn't want to be married, I will respect that. If they're happy, I'll be supportive of their decision. If they want to shack up with someone to "test it out", go for it. I will never make my kids feel  bad for not wanting to be married. Not after being married myself. What I will not stand for is for them to be in abusive, unhappy relationships, or be with someone that does not respect them. Then Big Momma might have something to say. But if they're happy, I will be happy, regardless of my own personal feelings.

Don't even get me started on the having kids part. I know for a fact I will never pressure any kids of mine to have babies because I know what that feels like, and it's no fun. What's the point of pressuring people to have children? How is that going to make them good parents? It blows my mind how people find this acceptable. Also, not everyone knows what goes on behind closed doors, sometimes things happen in relationships that you would not want to expose a child to, why bring one into the picture? I would think that the potential parents would know when the time is right, rather than people outside of the marriage. Again, blows my freakin' mind.

Okay, I'm done venting. I guess I'll go back to work and enjoy my time here before I start my 2nd shift at home.

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