April 26, 2023

Here I am, 2 days from turning 40. Man, 40 years old, I can't believe it. I feel every bit of it, too.  I haven't posted in forever ago, I've been depressed and am not ashamed of it.  Life has been kicking my ass these past couple of years, which each one getting harder than the next.  Pandemic? That's nothing. Looting? No biggie. Mom's cancer? Brace yourself for more. Peanut's just kept getting worse and worse and so I couldn't bring myself to come on here and update on shit I was suffering through at the moment.  I don't know what it is about today that's brought me here, but part of it is hoping someday you get to read this stuff and understand your crazy mother. The why I am how I am part of it. I've been struggling with your diagnosis, so much. Let me explain. It's not so much the diagnosis itself. I was already struggling with trying to break generational cycles with you. It's not something I can talk to about to many pe

Missing 2020

Hi Peanut! Never did I think I would write those words, but sometimes, I miss 2020. Specifically at this moment.  2021 had all the promise of being way better than last year. The vaccine was rolled out, though it was hard to find at first, we all eventually got it. Things were looking up, despite the loud anti-vaxxers protesting.  I got my vaccine in April. I remember getting emotional right before I walked in to get it. I felt like that part of my stress was over. I spoke too soon. The Delta variant came by and messed everything up again. Masks were once again required, after loosening restrictions, but this time, people weren't so quick to comply. They were fed up. I understand, I'm tired too, but I also have the common sense to want to take care of myself and those I love.  I think this year, the pandemic was harder because it's been a year and a half. We are so, so tired. Burned out. Even though I wear one everywhere, I'm also sick of wearing a mask, it's hard t


 Hi Peanut! You may be asking yourself why I'm writing a post titled 2020 in the middle of 2021, but the last post didn't even begin to explain the nightmare that was last year, so I'll get into that more in this post, before updating for 2021. may have heard, but 2020 sucked. I don't want to dwell on the negativity of it, but I do want to record it for posterity.  There was a global pandemic due to COVID19. Literal shut down. My job closed and sent everyone to work from home in March. Lots of places shut down. There was no toilet paper or hand sanitizer to be found. Luckily, your mom's crazy, paranoid self, had stocked up on Clorox wipes and sanitizer, because I had already heard rumblings of the disease earlier in the year.  Around this time, I switched jobs, adding further to my stress.  Along with the worries surrounding leaving your house and getting sick, there were other terrible things happening in the world: cases of police brutality against Afri

3 years, 10 months, 1 day (January 2021)

 Hi Peanut! Happy 2021! I'm going to update my last post first, and then I'll go into explaining why it's been so long since I've posted. For once, I have a good excuse.  Your favorite things to watch on TV currently have varied. You're not as into the Spiderverse movie. Since we just passed the holiday season, you had us watch The Grinch a numerous amount of times. But just the first half, you never let us finish it. You had your favorite parts and once those were over, you were done and would fuss until we changed it. The cartoon Grinch, you didn't like other versions. Other than that, you enjoy watching Youtube Kids (we had to wean you off regular Youtube, because you always seemed to end up on the weird side of Youtube like toy crushing vids and stuff). So on Youtube Kids, you like watching a variety of things but mainly Morpheus, Marsha and the Bear and Pocoyo. Recently we caught you watching Blippi videos again, so perhaps you're bringing him back. You

2 Years, 11 Months, 4 Days

Hi Peanut! Here I am with an update to my last post. Currently you are 2 years, 11 months and 4 days old. You're almost 3! Geez, where has the time gone? Your birthday is quickly approaching and with that, I would like to document more things about you that might entertain you in the future.  You're still a little cranky. The tantrums seem less, not sure if that's cuz it's winter and we haven't gone out much or you're just not generally around other children. We're working on that, I swear. Gotta learn to be social even if your momma is not.   Your favorite things to watch on TV right now are slightly different. You are currently obsessed with the Spiderman into the Spiderverse movie. I actually kinda like it. Not watching it 500 times, but I can deal with it I guess. Better than Blippi, anyway. And it has a really good soundtrack that you seem to kind of like, so that's fun. You also like to act out entire scenes from the movie, which is

Notes for Peanut - 2 years, 5 months, 10 days

Hi Peanut! I am documenting some notes that I can hopefully share one day with you, so you can get a glimpse into your child hood. My memory is atrocious, so I am using this method to keep track. Today is August 20th at 9:53am. I am at work, with stacks of work piled around me, but I am doing this instead. Don't judge me. This place does not appreciate all the work your momma does and so she has to take breaks for her own mental health. It takes your parents an hour + to commute here and 2 hours to return home. We do this because we moved before finding new jobs. For you, for grandma and grandpa, for the better, I hope. Anyhoo...currently you are 2 years, 5 months and 10 days old. Man, I'm getting emotional just thinking of how big you are. But that's not what this post is about. Just wanted to track little notes, so that I can share with you later. You are a cranky kid. Trantrums galore. You don't get your way or you're playing with something and it falls, o

Before embracing 2019...

So I didn't blog at all in 2018. I suck. It was a crazy, busy year. Very stressful, so I do have a plethora of excuses, but I am still disappointed in myself. I mean, on a good day, I can usually wrote up a post in like half an hour, so it's hard to think that I couldn't spare even that all last year. Anyway, enough beating myself up about it. For documentation sake, I am going to share some of the things that happened in 2018: 1/7/18 - Peanut had his first Happy Meal. I know he shouldn't, but at his age, you give them what they will eat and the boy loves his french fries, what can I say, he took after mom with that one. 2/17/18 - Went to a waterpark resort/road trip with the family. Peanut loves the water.We also hit up a Ripley's Believe It or Not Museum which was so strange. *FYI, due to my crappy memory, I'm using my phone pictures to trigger my memory 3/10/18 - Peanut was baptized. We had a nice little lunch afterwards at a pizza place. The decor