Fowl Play...

So I have a co-worker, we shall call her M, who is in the same department as me, and thus also exposed to the crazy that is my boss. For that reason alone, I try to cut her some slack, because as victims of the same narcissist, we have to stick together. But if I'm being honest? She's crazy as hell. I like her, but she's nuts.
This is just my opinion. She means well, and I don't think she's a bad person, it's just that I don't always understand how her mind works, or her priorities, and sometimes she does/says things that I consider a little "out there". She's super organized though, and as far as co-workers go, she's awesome and definitely entertaining.

One of M's many quirks is that she's an animal/insect lover. As in, don't harm any around her. I hate bugs and spiders, and when I see one, my instinct is to squash them, but I've quickly learned that around her that is not allowed. "Waiiiiit!", she yells, as she runs over with a cup and a sheet of paper and proceeds to coax the bug onto the paper, covering with the cup, and taking it outside, where I guess it'll be safe? It's not okay to kill bugs in her presence. So when I spot them, I just kind of let her know, so she can do her rescue and recover on the bugs. That's if I spot them near her. If I'm in my office alone, you better believe that spider is getting squashed. But I can humor her sometimes.

On one occasion, she rescued a squirrel from outside and had it living in a box as she nursed it back to health. Then she released it into the "wild"...also known as the street outside. When she did that, I remember my supervisor at the time and I kind of wondering how serious she was with these bug/animal rescues. I mean, I guess it's nice of her, but everything has a limit and squirrels can attack. But again, we humored her.

In a previous entry, I talked about the story of M and the mouse (Always In My Head - 5/19/14), where she tried to coax a mouse out of my office with peanut butter and a crate. Update on that story, the rescue was unsuccessful, the mouse was captured by a trap and its neck snapped. When news of this reached her, she was sad and said to me (jokingly, I hope), "You see what you caused?". Okay. Sorry for not wanting a damn mouse in my office, but whatever.

That brings us to today, when I arrived back into my office from lunch and see her walk past my door holding an empty box, and the pole we use to open/close our windows. I immediately knew this was going to be interesting. "Whatcha doing, M?", I ask. "Oh, there's a bird trapped in the warehouse, I'm going to go rescue it.". Now, had we not been short staffed, I would've accompanied her, as I would've loved to witness her in action. Alas, I had to stay behind, in case someone called. I eagerly awaited her return.

Surprise, surprise, she comes back empty-handed. Well not technically, as she still had the box and pole in her hand. Disappointed, she tells me that she wasn't able to catch the bird and that it looked weak and would probably die there. Now, I was surprised to hear her say that so casually. I mean, the girl rescues bugs, how could she give up on a bird so easily? Ah...well turns out, I was mistaken, and M did not disappoint. A minute later, I hear her on the phone, trying to get someone to come out and rescue this bird. I'm immediately amused at her, for being predictable, and at myself for doubting that she would come through for this bird. Was a part of me laughing at the ridiculousness of the situation? Of course. As I'm sitting in my office, quietly laughing to myself (as I often do), I hear the following:
"I'm just asking a question, I don't think it warrants your attitude. Yes, yes you are. You're being smart with me and I don't know why. Well yeah, I'm just asking a question and here you are giving me attitude, yes, thanks, thanks a lot." CLICK

My face as I heard this, I'm sure, was priceless. I literally had to hold my hand over my mouth to avoid making any noise. As soon as I could compose myself, I ask out to her (while still hiding in my office) "What happened?". She tells me that the lady she called was being a bitch to her on the phone and asked M what she thought they could do. She said "The bird is stuck in a warehouse? Maybe we could attach some suction cups to our hands and feet and get up there and save it." Again, I had to cover my mouth. M continued with the recap of her conversation. "Then she tells me she's not giving me an attitude and she's just trying to brainstorm ideas for the rescue and then she starts laughing, that bitch!". "Wow, that's crazy", is all I can say in between covering my mouth and trying not to laugh. I guess I wasn't the only one who found the situation ridiculous. So then I ask M who she called. I figured animal control. Well no. She said she googled bird rescue and so she calls this bird rescue foundation, that as I found out (through my own google search), specializes in the rescue of endangered birds, like entire species, not birds trapped inside houses. No wonder the lady found M's questions so ridiculous, and now I was 100% positive that the lady was being smart and was laughing at her. But how could you not?! I mean, really.

The bird, as far as I know, is still stuck in the warehouse. She has already warned a few people about it, probably in the hopes of them wanting to join in the rescue with her. Shortly after she hung up on the rude lady from the bird rescue place, she let out an evil laugh and said she was going to contact her supervisor, so it wouldn't surprise me if she spent the rest of the day writing the supervisor a letter or something. If that supervisor has even a little sense of humor, I'm sure they will enjoy a good laugh on M's behalf, such as I have. See what I mean? Crazy, but you gotta love her, if for the entertainment factor alone.


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