Weekend Recap (the good stuff)
My last post made me upset all over again, so I'm going to focus on the good stuff about this weekend:
I am currently listening to songs from the TV show Empire, which I am currently loving; both the music and the show. I hate getting into shows that are currently airing. Due to Netflix and Hulu spoiling me, I tend to enjoy binge-watching entire seasons as opposed to waiting a whole week for the next episode. But I think Empire will be the exception to the rule, as I'm already excited about Wednesday to watch the next one.
Today is Tuesday and I'm sitting here at work...dare I say, happy. This is so scary for me. I'm just waiting for something bad to happen. It's just too good to be true, you know? And what's sad is that it isn't, my standards are just low based on the trauma of my old job, ha. I mean, I like this place, but I've already witnessed a couple of dum-dums that make my work a tad bit more difficult. But they don't even bother me as much as they normally would. Because other things make up for it.
Sometimes days go by without me speaking to my boss, she's always so busy and running around in meetings, that sometimes all I get is a good morning, if that. So Friday, I go into her office for a couple of signatures and she tells me to come in and take a seat and then says she feels as if she hasn't talked to me in forever and doesn't want me to feel as if she's abandoned me. I tell her not at all, it's just different compared to what I was used to (which was literally my boss hanging over my chair, looking over my shoulder, just to type up a simple email). She then shuts the door and semi-whispers to me that the reason she feels comfortable leaving me on my own so much is that she trusts me, and right now, other departments need her to babysit them and she knows I don't. She said that she sees I'm doing my work well, efficiently, that I'm not making a bunch of mistakes, and that she sees that I work well alone, and need little direction to get stuff done. She also said that she knows that if I come across a problem, I have the capability of doing my own research and reaching out to people who can help me, and not always running to her for help and that she likes that. I was sitting there with a big ol' smile plastered on my face. This was all stuff I hadn't heard at work in years.
Little does she know the inner-turmoil I go through on a daily basis. It sounds so dramatic, but yes, I do attribute some of it to PTSD. She has no idea how I question my work and second guess myself constantly. It's so sad. I type up an email and question if I should have her proof it. Then I have to remind myself of how silly it is to have to get your emails proofread before they're sent. She's so busy, why would she want me bothering her with something so trivial as looking over an email before I send it? I have to constantly remind myself of how different she is from my old boss. If I went in there and interrupted her to have her look over an email, or to ask her if I can do some routine part of my job, she would probably look at me like I'm crazy and laugh. Well, maybe she wouldn't laugh, since I have told her about the vastly different work environment I come from, so she may take pity on me. But still, that's not the impression I want to give off, so I'm glad that she sees me as a confident worker, even though I struggle with that sometimes. I'm sure with time, it'll get much better. She had me doing payroll on my own after one month, so I must be doing something right. I've been here a little over 4 months and she trust me? That's freakin' awesome. I'm just really, really, really happy to not be at my old job. I love the feeling of not dreading Sunday nights because I have to go to work, it's so refreshing. I'm gushing in this post, because I try not to do it so much in person. My husband is not happy at work, nor are my sister and parents, so I try not to go on and on about work, lest I get on their nerves. I used to be the unhappy one, always bitching about work, so I let them vent to me and try to keep my giddiness on check.
Saturday my friend M and her 3 adorable little girls came over to hang out. It was so much fun. Even though I'm not all for having kids of my own, I do enjoy playing with other people's kids, cuz I get to give those back. Although her girls are all very well behaved, and not annoying at all, so I'm reluctant to give them back, ha. We played games, ate, then my husband got home from work and played with them some more. They loved him. Kids always tend to gravitate more towards him. But her oldest daughter said I was her 2nd favorite aunt, which warmed my heart. Especially because M has two sisters and her husband has one, ha ha ha. I'll take 2nd place gladly!
Sunday I already discussed in my last post, so we're going to go ahead and skip that.
Monday was my day to veg the hell out. I had already told my husband that I was going to do nothing on that day. I prepared for that by getting most of our chores done Friday. We cleaned the house, laundry was done, nothing urgent for Monday. I tried to sleep in, but that was a fail, since my husband wanted to text me early in the morning from work. I swear, sometimes I don't know how he doesn't get cussed out more often. Most of my day was spent with my girlfriends Netflix and Hulu and my bathtub. I did venture out to the grocery store to pick up some missing ingredients for dinner. Yes, I did prepare dinner, I mean, I was lazy, but not THAT lazy. When my husband arrived, he had a delicious dinner prepared for him. I took this opportunity to remind him that if I was a housewife, he would have a delicious dinner prepared for him every single day. Gotta plant that seed in there to motivate him. I want to stay home and write. The less I'm around people, the better. But that's just wishful thinking on my part. Nothing about me says "housewife", but I'd be willing to make that sacrifice if I didn't have to go out and interact with people on a daily basis. I have issues, I swear.
So that was my weekend. Aside from Sunday, it went well and I'm looking forward to a 4 day work week. It'll be busy, so it will go by quick. I no longer hate my job, but that doesn't mean I don't look forward to the weekend!