Inside My Head (Don't forget your helmet)

It was time to push. My loved ones were holding my legs up to help me. Everyone was coaching me on how to push. One of the nurses said to push as if you were pooping. So that I did, and that I also did. That's right, I pooped when I gave birth. I'm not ashamed, trust me, at that moment, that was the least of my worries. Not so much for the other people in the room though. Not the medical professionals, they've seen it all, I mean my poor family. My husband seemed ok, but my poor sister, she did not take it well and in the middle of my pushing, she just leaves me. I was a little like "where the hell is she?", mainly because my mom couldn't hold my leg up by herself. I was a cranky lady, I can admit that. I told my sister I wanted the nurse to stop talking, I got snippy with my mom, I think with my husband too. It was just a mess. I wanted everyone to shut up. At one point, the doctor asked me if I wanted to reach down and touch the baby's head and I ...

Sooo...not sure if I've implied this already, but I did NOT have an easy labor and delivery. It's funny because in the weeks leading up to the date, I always though that if I was meant to have more children, that a sign would be an easy labor. Then I would be encouraged to go through it all again. I think God heard me up there and pulled a Marshall Erickson from How I Met Your Mother:  "Oh, honey sweetie baby." and gave me the craziest labor, so it would be crystal clear that I wasn't meant to do this again. Let me start at the beginning. Please keep in mind that my post-partum memory loss combined with the trauma of the experience and the sheer exhaustion has kept me from remembering a lot of details, but I will try to jot down what I do remember. Tuesday, March 7th, I had a doctor's appointment. During the last trimester, I had weekly stress tests and doctor's check ups. Those were loads of fun. Not. So I went to do my test first, then was going to ...

As I mentioned before, we were blessed with three baby showers. They were hosted by my husband's job, my family and my job. This was an unexpected turn of events. I didn't think people liked me enough to throw me a shower at work, but they did. My husband's job had one for him first, it was really nice. They got us tons of stuff! They all really seem to love him, as they should because that man bends over backwards to be helpful. I don't do that, which is why I thought I wouldn't get one. This was my first time meeting his co-workers, and they were all really nice and we ate and played games, it was fun. My job threw one for me as well, a couple of weeks before my last day. It was really nice as well. We had games and cake and lots of nice presents. I felt really special at seeing how everyone contributed to my Peanut. I'm not always a fan of the people I work with, and I know I wasn't while pregnant due to my excessive crankiness, but it was touchin...

All right, so I am here to tell you that "mommy brain" is real. I heard a lot about it, especially while pregnant, but now here I am, almost 7 months postpartum, and I don't remember stuff that just happened a few days ago. I'm not sure if it's something hormonal, or there's too much on my mind, lack of sleep, or a combination of all three, but my memory is practically non-existent. So I will try to relate what I do remember about my pregnancy, which probably won't be much and it might be all over the place. This post is just to safe keep random memories I have about my pregnancy, so they won't be lost forever and I can share them with Peanut one day. 1. My pregnancy was high-risk, due to a variety of factors, including thyroid issues, high blood pressure and my age (!!!). That wasn't fun because it required a lot more tests, including a 24 hour urine collection test that I had to complete twice. Ugh. I hated that part. It's exactly what it...