It's Me Against the World...

One of my (many) favorite Coldplay songs is called "Us Against the World". My favorite lyrics are:

And if we could float away
Fly up to the surface and just start again
And lift off before trouble
Just erodes us in the rain
Just erodes us in the rain
Just erodes us and see roses in the rain
And sing slow-ow-ow-ow it down
Slow-ow-ow-ow it down
Through chaos as it swirls
It's us against the world

I love that song because a) the music is beautiful and b) I found the lyrics to be beautiful as well. And they rung true at that time. Now, as I'm older, wiser and more jaded, I laugh at the above. It's sad, but I'm just being honest. There's no "us" against the world, it should always be "me" against the world. No one will ever be on your team or by your side more than yourself.

There's family, sure. But in the regular order of things, your parents aren't around forever, siblings get married, form their own families and the distance grows. And don't get me started on spouses. With the divorce rate being what it is and websites dedicated to infidelity out there, why would you put your faith in that one person?

I've kind of come to the realization that people kinda suck. There's no sugarcoating that statement, it is what it is. And it sounds horrible, but I can't be convinced otherwise. Every single person that comes into your life will disappoint/hurt/upset you in one way or another. There's no getting around that. It's truth. The sad, sad truth.

Case in point: my co-workers from my prior employment. I mean, we weren't super duper close, and I knew that under different circumstances, we would've never associate, we were just too different. But working together with our boss and his NPD made us form a bond, so I thought. Not that I expected us to go out and catch up, but a few texts here and there, at least. Nope, nada. I mean, at first they did, way at the beginning, but once I got my final check from them, it was as if I never existed. My texts went unanswered and that was the end of that.

I emailed another ex-co-worker the other day. Sent her this long email and then at the end included a link to this job opening by me, to see if I could pique her interest. Her response? "Thanks". That was it. No, "hey, how're you doing? how's it going?" Nothing. I mean, damn. I'm more polite to strangers I interact with for work.

My best friend of almost 8 years "broke up" with me this year, in early January. Always talking about "I love you girl" and "you're like my sister". Guess not. My sister pisses me off, but I don't just cut her ass out, and that is what my ex-best friend did to me. She didn't like that I wasn't gun-ho about all the new people in her life and the fact that I was vocal about it. I apologized for being me, but that wasn't enough. And I get it, she wants to roam different pastures. More power to her. 

And I guess it's my fault, expecting too much from people. I should've learned my lesson long ago. I just like to keep hope alive, or am a masochist and enjoy setting myself up for disappointment. Not everyone disappoints me right away; some take months, even years to show their true colors, but in the end they always come out. People are assholes, and they can't really hide that forever.

I sound like a bitter old hag, which is sad, since I'm only 31 (only, she says, Ha!). I should be super positive and optimistic. I have a new job that I'm really enjoying so far, I have my health, sorta, my family is healthy and semi-happy, I've improved my relationship with my in-laws, though it took unnecessary circumstances to accomplish that feat, and when I take it all in, I have plenty to be happy about. That I am happy about. That doesn't take away the fact that people suck, and all the people I just mentioned and many others will eventually piss me off, or hurt me, or disappoint me, make me hate them, make me cry, make me feel stupid, etc. The possibilities are endless. That's what happens when you open yourself up to others, you expose yourself to those possibilities. And that is why no mas. I'm good with my inner circle, no more people are necessary. I am, after all, my favorite person so why not spend more time with my #1? Oh geez, now I sound like a narcissist. Oh well, whatever it takes to protect myself and my feelings.


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