NPD Chronicles: What's In a Name?

So I've been referring to my boss as just "boss" in this blog, but for the purpose of this post, the time has come to finally give him a name. So we will call him Bill Lumbergh, for fun. If that name doesn't sound familiar, it should. Office Space anyone?

So yes, Bill Lumbergh is called "Mr. Lumbergh" by most people in the office. There's a handful of people who either just call him Bill or Lumbergh, without the "Mr." I've always just called him Mr. Lumbergh because that's how I've always known him.

So two of the girls in my department, S & J (S is long gone by now, lucky girl) would both call him Bill. S referred to him that way because that's how he introduced himself to her the very first time she met him. Ever since her first day, she called him Bill. She was here for a little over a year.

J has known Lumbergh for longer than that. She is a former employee who returned to work here after she left a few years ago. I can't imagine escaping this place and then willingly returning to it, but she had good intentions in doing so that unfortunately didn't pan out. After J left the first time, she forged a close relationship with the boss, to the point where they would get together with their family and such. I can't even imagine, but she's a way better person than me. I hold grudges.

Anyway, so at the point this story begins S has been here for about a year, J's known Lumbergh for about 10+ years, and they both call him Bill. Because my boss has NPD, he's of course not comfortable with the lowly peasants that work for him addressing him as equals and he finally decided to put a stop to it. As you can see, he took his sweet time.

First he called in S to his office. He asked her to please call him Mr. Lumbergh from now on. He alluded to the fact that she should've picked up on his discomfort with her calling him Bill by asking "Didn't you notice me grimace every time you said it?". Well no...S is not a mind-reader and therefore, she wouldn't have known (or cared, honestly) that it bothered you unless you said something, idiot. He's oblivious to social cues, but apparently expects us to know how to decipher his. He also took this moment to inform her that some of his contemporaries refer to him as just Lumbergh, but "you can call me Mr. Lumbergh". Gotta love him.

So after her conversation with him, we of course laugh at him for being so petty, then we wonder if he's going to talk to J, because she also calls him Bill. But at the same time, they have a longer relationship that transcends the relationship that the rest of us have with him, which is just to tolerate him. J has known him longer, has hung out with him and his wife outside of work, and he knows her husband and children. We were wondering if he would be capable of jeopardizing the relationship with one of the very, very few people who could still feel sympathy towards him.

Why did we even question it? Of course he came through for us and called in J to his office and had almost the exact same conversation with her.

So, now we all call him "Mr. Lumbergh", though J still has the occasional slip-up. Poor girl. Who has ever had to change the way they address someone they've known for over 10 years? This man wants to control every aspect of our time here in this workplace and well, controlling how we address him is just another notch on his belt.

I'll let him have it. He can control what we call him out loud, but in my head...I can assure you he would blush at some of the different and colorful ways I refer to him as.